Happy to report!

She got that sense of humor back last night!

Fucked an ******** *******


Welcome home, sense of humor!

She needs to hit some skins

When she doesn't get laid, the girl loses her sense of humor. Completely.

Help! Somebody!

on nerve.com

the pickings are motherfucking slim.

WHO KNEW?!?!?!

jenny jenn has a boundary! she blushes! she freezes up!

stay tuned for the shocking truth!

12:46pm

on her way to the bathroom...

"oh my god, i got a lot going on."

TARGET ACQUIRED

personals.nerve.com/p/member.cgi?m=3512830_52551&dcb=personals.nerve.com&mid=3216151_53704&passthru_override=1




he will never know what hit him.

her and whitney

(Duet with Jermaine Jackson)
(Duet with Bill Sizzle)
Time can pass so slowly, when you feel so all alone
Love can strike like lightning, when you find your heart a home
I've seen it in the movies, read about it in a book
I never thought I would feel it, but your touch was all it took


Chorus:
Take good care of my heart
Take good care of my heart
Baby you're the first to take it
You're the only one who can break it
I love you more than I should
But it keeps me feeling so good
I've waited for your love for ever
You're the one to take good care of my heart

Come and make you're magic, til you have me hypnotised
If we get any closer, I'll be drowning in your eyes
You're the one I needed most, when my love was on the line
I'm so glad you gave me yours, when I gave you mine

today yesterday tomorrow

she looks fabulous is blue

whole truth and nothing but the truth

wonder if i take you home

will you still be polite baby?

me: oh, are you gonna use me as your monday night sue?

Jennifer: haha!

that was sad, huh?

i wish i'd known that EVERYBODY AND THEIR BROTHER WASSN"T THERE

cause dude, i thought they were

me: bull fucking shit

3:47 PM you just didn't want to show up by yourself to see billy

you wanted to act like it was a coincidence he was around

cheap guy

Jennifer: FUCK YOU

me: ha ha

it is true

Jennifer: no it's not!

he knew i was coming out to see him

duh

3:48 PM me: that is why you were so mad at me that i didn't talk to you after work friday, you said i was in charge of a sue night...shit as soon as you got to that bar you dumped her ass

Jennifer: NOT TRUE EITHER

me: dude

Jennifer: I stayed for awhile

me: haha

Jennifer: and then she wasn't talking to me

so i left

13 minutes

4:02 PM Jennifer: see?!

i can admit it when I'm wrong

4:03 PM me: how benevolent of you

4:04 PM Jennifer: you know it!

(couldn't leave that up there for too long though)

me: of course, my queen

4:05 PM Jennifer: awww

well, i've promised to make it up to Sue

so maybe we can let this go?

Monday Nite

tell me anything

tell me everything

revoke our time apart

love me fierce in danger

Monday Morning

She is in a bad mood and ignoring this intrepid reporter.

Our two day forecast...

Physically we are expecting eleven vodka tonics, 2/3rds a bottle of jameson's, whatever beer she is drinking right now, two pack of cigarettes, a joint and a half, twelve bowls and three back exercises.

Mentally, we are looking at 36 fuck yous, 2 borderline breakdowns, 230 raised eyebrowed looks, six attempts to sucker people into throwing tupperware parties, flirting with men she finds repulsive, smiling at men she thinks are hot while strategizing and crafting flippant yet desperate texts in order to hunt down a guy name bill sizzle.

A modern day Penelope

She is in her horseless carriage, driving to her domed palace.


Today, she prepares for the return of her Odysseus.

an update!

she is taking a personal call during work hours.

hoop earrings, hair is up. polka-dot scarf tied around her neck. aquamarine cardigan.

yogurt has spilled in her bag, but she will not comment on it.

It took almost six years...

but heller finally got some jeans that are tight and are not offensive to men checking her out!

Congratulations, heller!

Let see if they will work this weekend.

READERS, PROGNOSTICATE!

Which relationship do you think Heller will attempt to destroy next?

A. Someones marriage, by way of a Tupperware orgy?

B. Work related? By making out with her new boss and repeating co-op history?

C. My friend charlie's engagment? (We are gonna stop by his house for a cigarette at lunch- he loves crazy women)

D. A figment of her imagination?

E. All of the above?

A rhetorical question she just posed to me

What relationship can i destroy next?

just in the past few months...

jennifer goes by jenny these days.

she supported one of the troops.

held a tupperware party at my house.

drove to san jose drunk and lied about it.

fucked my former assistant.

got a great hair cut.

earned the nickname whorebot.

hot and cold faucets

Jennifer's favorite at the playground is the mood swings.

START THE PRESSES!

WE ARE BACK ON-LINE!


After a year of soaking up all the jennifer heller i could stand, i am ready to resume reporting.

Sex!
Flipping out!
Declarations of love!
Bold-faced lies!
Whisky!
Superlatives!

and lots of curly hair!

Stay tuned!